THE SPEAK EASY

Andy Hall is a big tall red headed guy, currently studying poetry at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, AZ. He is a former president of Speakeasy and a UNLV Graduate 2000. He resides with his parents in Las Vegas when he isn't studying. He is a funny man, trust me. You can reach either him, me, myself or I at

hallawayjoe@hotmail.com

I Must be Dating Myself

I can't get a date,
So I started dating myself
but now I am getting rejected by myself.
I asked myself out to dinner the other day
but I stood myself up,
so I broke up with me.
Now I am obsessed with myself.
I started stalking myself.
I filed a restraining order against me.
The judge looked at me funny,
but the judge was me too.
I'm doing better now.
I'm in therapy with myself.
I go three times a week
My doctor says each of me deserves equal time
I think I'm gonna change my name now
or maybe I'll wait til I marry myself
. I will give myself away
and then when I go on my honeymoon
I will make passionate love to myself.
I wanna have kids some day,
but they better not talk back to me
myself, or I. Or I will have to kill myself
and then they'd be stuck with me.

In California Deeper

As I go deeper into California,
I feel like I am entering the womb.
Every piece of brush grows more prehistoric
the deeper I go the closer I feel to home.
The fruit inspection station arrives,
I give the man the Florida Oranges telling him
"I don't need these anymore, I am here."
"What," he says! "They are infected," I say.
"With what," he asks?
"With everything that isn't good, everything non-
Californian."
He rolls his eyes and says "whatever."
I drive on. Deeper,
deeper, towards my home.
My eyes begin to tear as I enter the Mother Smog.
As Los Angeles approaches
I come to my first traffic jam...
Yes! I've made it!
I remember my mother telling me "Dammit!"
as we waited in one many years ago.
"Damn what," I asked,
"Are we going to Disney Land?"